my sisters under your porch take her home
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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