how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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