you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
