Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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