i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
