u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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