i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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