My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
