is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
