We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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