We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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