Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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