I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
