When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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