If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
