9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
