Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize