I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize