It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
