your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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