just survived the first fart of the relationship.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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