nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
