Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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