Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize