I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
