Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There r osticjed everywhere
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize