ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
