My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
