Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
