If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
two words: eviction party
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
