Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
