you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
