I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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