Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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