lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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