So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
