Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
