i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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