Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
