The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize