i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
