Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
