New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
