id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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