Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize