last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
