I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
