i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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