i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
