my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
