My friends, they love my intelligence
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
