currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
