I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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