there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
