also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He passed out mid-signature
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
