what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
