did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
