He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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