i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
