Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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