shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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