Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
