He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
