i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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