My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
