wrigley field is MILF paradise
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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