girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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