I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize