I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
