btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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