did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just forgot I was standing up.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
