I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
