Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
