Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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