Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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