There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
