We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
