i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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