but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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