I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
