i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
