Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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