batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
