Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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