Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
