Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(937): View more from Ohio

Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not

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(330): View more from Ohio

i think i have two assholes

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(612): View more from Minnesota

the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher

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(310): View more from California

u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people

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(805): View more from California

woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?

(262): View more from Wisconsin

Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing

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(248): View more from Michigan

I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.

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(551): View more from New Jersey

His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch

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