I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
