You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
