Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
