You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
